Time is of MY essence...

before begining to type

i was anxious

it was a cloud of impeding feelings that i have no bearing for meanings for

its the reason i have been more nervous lately and tis the reason for me not having blogged

for such a long time

i had no idea what to write

or how the reader would react to such things

but then i reaslised that noone reads this so i guess i should write it...

a few weeks ago

i wrote about how i had a laptop

that belonged to my sister who was on holiday so i went top get it fixed under the concensus that

it would then belong to me...

i knew that there would be blood when she returned

and i was seemingly ready for it

and so for 6 whole days

i was as happy as a 12 year old boy getting hold of his first porno mag

it was bliss

and come closer to the craken's return

i became nervous

as i had reason to be so

it just so happens that on the night that she was to return my parents went out

with my little brother

and so i was alone

i knew the storm was coming but i assumed my parents would return before it did

so i wasnt scared

however

they did not

and so the wicked witch of the west returned

and lubbed her fat ass to her room

and busted open my door

and demanded her laptop back

and i know your all thinking

'well its her lap top so u should give it back it belongs to her'

but look at it from my point of veiw

its not hers

my mum paid for it

and no real formal agreement of ownership between my mother and the sasquach

was ever reached

also

she broke it within a week

and on top of that blamed me

and because my father doesnt get involved and my mother doesnt like playing the bad guy rather the victim, didnt agree or dissagree leaving me to feel that she may belive what the

ogre says

and so she broke it

and left it

without letting me even touch it or go get it fixed

and it just was kept away

collecting dust

for months

and thats how we got to the current situation

back to pressing matters ->

and so she demands it back

i was playing LoL (league of legends)

at the time

and asked for some time to finish

(although i had no intention of giving it to her, hoping sed argument would hold out her wrath until my parents would return)...it didnt

she went mental

yelling

and screaming (which are the same yet somehow different for her)

and slapping

and all this i was prepared for

and i retaliated with a calm

'you don't need it right now, so just piss the FUCK OFF!'

and so she left

and i thought it was over

and i aassume it was

and i was dumb enough to believe it was

and i was stupid enough to not lock the door behind her

and i was baka enough to not run and hide when i had the chance

instead i went back to the game

and she came back

...

with a knife

that she took with her to coffs harbour

including through the supposed 'high tech' security of the airport

and she yelled

yelled her little fat squashed lungs out

and i got up

(as being seated is the position u do not want to be in when ur getting threatened by a knife)

i was scared

but not that scared

cause shes threatend me before

but then

after screaming alot

and suposedly arguing with me even though i had said a minimal dialogue

(really she yelled and then made assumptions to what my rebuttals would be successfully pissing herself off)

she took a slash at me

and not a 'this is what could happen' slash

but a 'fuck u your life ends here' slash

and it caught me off guard

but i was able to dodge it

with what ever little space i had

and after she did

i looked at her face and saw no self shock

no realisation of seriosity

no repenance at all... nothing

and i clicked in my head thinking i need to get the situation under control

before the bitch kills me

and i manned up (as in toughened up, sorta staunching)

and i fucking told her straight up 'that was completely serious and uncalled for

you'll get your fucking laptop back when im done which will at least be tonight'

and i stared her down cause shes a short whore

and she left

and i closed the door

and mother came home

and even though i did tell her that the demon hoe tried to kill me

my mother still did the usual of playing the victim complaining for having such fucked kids etc.

and so nothing was resolved

i gave the laptop back

but not after wiping it clean

or all my files

and any program that was on there

i did leave microsoft word on though

i really regretting that decision though T_T

shoulda just plain cleaned the fucking thing

and so the fact that she really tried to kill me and that i could of died

hit me

the next day

i had no sleep for about 3 days

[THERE WAS HEAPS OF EMOTIONAL SHIT HERE BUT I DECIDED THAT IT WASN'T IMPORTANT =D]

on a lighter note ...

i've started learning japanese

cause i love the language and culture and country

its goin ok (Y)

and i've started school again cause the holidays ended

im sad and kind of relieved

its another free excuse to see friends and people you love most

i wont tell anyone of how i feel execpt for this cyber community

because bringing these things up

and bothering otherss with it

and just selfish of me

i guess

thats my noble stand point

but really in just a coward

we all are...

I Was Thinking

how would life be

if

the internet didnt exist?

like serioulsy

do u web goers

fare safety and comfort without it?

u may say 'fuck yes we're not freaks'

but i dare say not

because u and me

are just as freaky as the 30 year old guy who

lives in his mother basement

is unemployed

and wears a horned nordic armour helm made of plastic as he yells at

other players online that he crushes with his mighty twilight sword

and gains massive exp from it etc etc etc

and we're freaky

not cause we do these things

cause i dont

but because there are other things that my do religiously

that give us comfort

because that guy

finds comfort in playing these games

and being physically alone instead of digitally

as long as he isnt menacing anyone, as long as his mother doesnt mind

then who the fuck are we?! to call him a freak?

u must admit

even though it may not be extensive as that

but even you will do something

maybe not every day

maybe not every week

but it is to be done

and to be done more then once

that makes u comfortable

whether its taking extreme pride in your possessions

like washing your car quite often even though u don't realy need to

keeping the front of your house cleaner then the neighbour's

having the same breakfast

having the same lunch

having the same dinner

meeting the same people

meeting the same collegues

meeting the same challenges

keeping face

showing face

cleaning face

showing a clean and well kept face!

the point it

it happens

and u may not realise it

but

standing in the mirror

everyday

combing your hair

and straightening your tie

u are

cleaning face

you are keeping the face clean

and u will show that face to everyone u do every day

and this

will make u comfortable

see the guy in the basement

may be different

but atleast he can admit that doin what he does makes him happy

for real

not 'of course im happy i have a great job and a great condo'

NO

its not that

thats not happiness!

that materialism at its finest

happiness

is spending

a mildly hot day at the beach

with close friends

its shopping

with people u trust and love to give u good advice

not family god no

but good

good friends

and knowing that u will tell them how to dress and to wear and buy them things im no selfishness of expect of emotional return

yet know that its there anyway

thats happiness

the feeling of being loved and needed

cause humans are naturally selfish

and crave the acceptance of others

and u find it in impressing people at work

and the NEET

in his mothers basement

finds it in impressing strangers who don't know what he looks like and who he really is and vice versa

and i kinda went off track there

but yeah

if the internet where to cease to exist right now

then we'd all be fucked

and acording to cox

if they took all the porn off the internet

there'd be no websites left

except one and it'd be called 'bring back the porn'

and so the saga ends

i may not get back to blogging i a while

i do apologise for returning on such a sour note

but i couldnt give less of a shit about you

cause i dont know you

and don't be shocked cause u know its true

bye

Whoa! Nelly! down girl!

so

its been about three days since i've blogged

only came hear cause i actually felt bad for not blogging =P

i havnt been blogging cause like normal theres nothing to blog

however if your find that my typing is horendous then blame that fact that im on a laptop

=D

MY laptop =D

=D

=D

see my sister bought this laptop

well my mother bought it for her

and she broke it within the first week or so

and woulodnt let me see it or go get it fixed for 6 fucking months

so its been collecting dust

and so now shes in coffs harbour

and i went to go get it fixed

and so now its mine =D

and when she gets back theres gonna be a shit storm

but i dont give a shit

WHOOOO!

newho

like i sed before theres not much to report

its a thursday

and its about 3 pm right now

yesterday i was sposed to go hapkido and teakwondo

but i got violently ill and vomited everything i had inside

T_T it wasnt pretty

but now im kinda better

but i my neck hurts from sleeping like a retard

IF YOU BUILD IT THEY WILL COME

I WAS THINKING

what would happen if america didnt exist?

like seriously

think of the implecations there

we wouldnt have stupid peolpe to tease

thered be noone goin round killing at random

because thered be no:

-americans in america killing each other with there legal guns

-americans in other countries fucking up everyone they see using war as an excuse

-terrorist (not that there are) trying to attack america

-racism wouldnt be such an issue in the modern world

america will not have gone round backrupting countries and corrupting leaders of small oil rich countries people will be richer

the poor will be better off

there wouldnt be such an economic dependance on 'wall street' cause it wouldnt exist

and the economic dependance will be spread more evenly thoguhout the world and so a downturn in one place will not effect everyone else so heavily

i mean i don't hate america per se

its just that u can't are this point

and americans don;t get all defensive about it

cause im not talking about u

its your governments and the rulling elite who are fucking u guys up

so your all idiots if u don;t know this

thats the point there

i think u'r all idiots cause u don;t know more about whats happening to u

for instance there is no law saying u need to pay tax

yet u all do it

not for the greater good or not for patriotism

but because u've been told thats whats need to be done

there u go

and thats it for today

idk if ill blog again in a while

=P

remember

i don't claim to be perfect

Modest Intervention...

so as most of your may know

here

is holidays

and in the great holiday spirit

i spend most of my daytimes

sitting at home

doing nothing

and

its a monday today

and my mother has a day off

so she took me shopping

however i have no idea why i went

at first i thought it was to go fix my megabitch sister's laptop which she broke within a week of purchase and its still pretty much brand new...

and so it was promised to me should i go get it fixed, due to the fact that my sister is stupidfacedbitchtits whos so arrogant that until she left for coffs harbour at the beginning of this week, she wouldnt let me near the laptop.

so anywho i get in the car and my mum says we cant go get the laptop fixed T_T

and still forces me to go with her

and it went like this

-took my little brother to the dentist

-went to bonnyrigg plaza so my mother can go library

-went to aldi for groceries (yh we shop at aldi get over it, same shit different smell)

-went home

now your tell me where in that trip am i involved at all cept for home and helping to carry groceries

...

WHERE!

so is the stress of shopping with adult asians T_T

infact im really surprised that we didnt one visit Cabbramatta

NOT ONCE!

i was kinda worried

there might be something wrong with mum

no boat asian goes shoping without visiting cabbra

idk imma keep an eye on her

so i went home and was bored off my nuts

its rediculous

how bored i was all day

and my mum basically annoyed the fuck outta me

comes in my small enough room

'clean this! and this! and this! and this mess that im standing directly on and wont move off for a while! right now!'

fucking hate it when people do that

tell u do something and get in the fucking way!

yh

alot of things shit me

but tis things that should shit me

not stupid irrelevant things

when people get the shits from stupid shit

that shits me

alot

person 1-'man i hate it when theres too many water pools on the road'

me- T_T are u serious? we're not even on the road

person 1-'i noe...still shits me'

me-fucking idiot *walks off*

I Was Thinking

i wish i had my p's and a car

which is a bit of a continuation of yesterdays thoughts less the happy car

if i had my p's i could

go visit rachna at work like i said i would

cause she works i a place thats just completely out of reach from public transport

and i could drive everywhere i need to go

and refuse people lifts

and slow down for hitch hickers and then drive off

or say 'can u put your bag in the boot?'

and then they do and THEN i drive off

Mwuahahahahahahahahahaha

god damn im evil =P

i don't even belive in god

but god damn it all!

god damn it all to hell!

mwuahahahaha

thats right i sed it

now what?

thats right

thats what i thought

so if your decide to came to dury lane

visit me

i'll be staying over the muffin man's house

me and him

great buddies

good times and bad

like the desaster with the milk spill

...he was in hostpital for months

took him ages to dry out and recover

but hes better now

Ball soup... all day

For those who don't know what ball soup is

it's been a scorcher of a day

use your imagination ;)

its 2 am right now

and i can't get over the fact that

1- the weather is the biggest dickhead in the global playground

2- my aircon has been broken for about 2 months now

and my asian parents won't get it fixed, according to them if it blows air it works T_T

so

sitting

in your god knows what heat

with two fans that do nothing cept blow the hot air around

and u sit and sit

talking on msn

trying not to think of the people juice oozing out of your skin at an alarming rate

and u get up

walk to the living room

decide to walk outside

...

and find out that theres a cool ass mutherfucking breeze just merrilly blowing through your street

and according to people

that breeze has been there for a while

and u step back into your house and realise that its an oven T_T

holy crap here comes jesus

and he doesn't look too happy!

so anywho

i turn off my defective heater/aircon

open every window in my house

and though it is hot

its not as hot as before

... slight relief ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

facebook

i go on facebook

i see how people are on facebook

i don't do much on facebook

if you talk to me on facebook i'll talk back

if u ask me to join a group and i like it, i'll join

if u tag me in a photo ill look at it and reply to comments

but!

i will not

talk to people on facebook unless they've said something funny or stupid and it needs pointing out

i won't ask anyone to join a group for any reason because its annoying

and i hardly photosize anyway

so yh

facebook

the downfall of society

happy facebooking people

meshelle talked to me on facebook today

and i talked back

...on her facebook

and so i learnt that rawr means iloveu in dinosaur

because they reserve only word in their vocabulary for such important phrases T_T

and also

boo means the save in ghost

because apparently even ghost need loving too

and the two together make!

RAWRRBOO!

love as result of thousands of years of genetic mutation due to nuclear war and scientific gene mutilation (which led to the downfall of humanity) and left behind only the ghost dinosaurs

and thats how they say iloveu... now you know

so next time u meet a dinosaur with sharp teeth and long claws and he/she says Rawrr then show em some lovin give em a hug like right in front of its big mouth T_T that'll sure teach it

...

if u see a ghost and it says boo

u run the fuck outta there

u don't want no ghost goin up and cramping your style shiet =P

teenagers i'll never understand em

never want to...EVER

dw meshelle if your reading this i still love you =P

and i understand u ^_^

btw

i've said 'facebook' 10 times

i bet you wanna go see how your facebook is doing right bouat now =P

newho

vacated my preheated airconless house to my cousins house

and scabbed aircon air off her

and played on my other cousins lappy (thats laptop u sick perverted freaks)

played a game called LOL (league of legend) and had fun till the point where i started loosing

we went out to eat at golden king

or something

its in green valley

and i was kinda dissapointed

the prices where rediculous

and the portions were even worse

and she ordered generic food

like special rice

and sizzling mongolian lamb and sezchwaun chicken

and it wasnt that great and she full talked it up and if your reading this cousin

i'm dissapointed =P

and i bet u are as well woman (it's SANTON chicken)

the bitch excuse for a sister of mine is in Coffs Harbour so i have 10 days of slight peace

but it also means i have to do all her fucking chores

thats like 10 on the 10000 that i already do T_T

i was thinking that

if i had a car

that could run on happyness

that'd be sweet

i'd be happy all the time because I HAVE THE CAR

so its a self sufficient car

man i'd take it everywhere

and it'd a compact unregistered new car

and i'll call it a smaller intermode transport

so its in the same devision as a bike

and so fuck getting a license

and it'll go up to speeds of 100km and hour

any higher and your not really happy u must be on some kind of pills

and i'd take to the streets

and then i'd know when i pass a depressed person cause then the car would slow down or stop

and then i'd be all like hey are u sad

and they'd be all like

'no what ever do u mean'?

and then i'd be like comon u sad sack'a crap come see my new car

and i'd show em my new car and they'd be happy

and they'd ask to give it a go and i'd say

'sure...in your dreams buddy!'

hop in and drive away

...

what?

y should i be responsible for sad people?

sides its my car! =P

stupid people and their assumption of responsibility T_T

so yesterday amy told me to learn a song called i just want you by aj rafael

and i full tabbed it out myself and it took hours cause i'm noob and i got passed the chorus and took a break, came back at night

and khiem goes on msn and

in a complete coinkidink

he asked me how to play the song

and im like i full tabed it out

and told him what chords it was

and hes like 'you can find that on ultimate guitar' and im like XD

are u fucking serious?!

guess i shoulda thought of that first =P

the strumming is hard

and i was getting into learning it

and then khiem

sent me a guitarpro file

of '1000 miles' by that venessa chick

and its on guitar and i was like no fucking way!

...

THIS IS AWESOME!

and i've learnt some of it and its hard and shit but i;m getting there =P

........

.......

hang....on

...let me catch...my

....breath

so....

whats new in your life?

thats ok

keep at it

(thats my session of caring done)

and thats all i can muster

if you have time

download a song i learnt on guitar called 'shimmer' by fuel

you'll listen to it and go 'OMG I KNOW THIS SONG ITS SO OLD ITS AWESOME'

dont ever do that around me!

night/morning

In the life..OF

so

i don't have any followers

it doesn't matter

just the realisation that it probably means i'm really just talking to myself

T_T horray i'm starting to go insane... just the way i like it =P

but like i said

the world wouldn't be a better place if i gave a shit.

i slept at 4 am last night

..well this morning

well its 1:26 am right now so

...yesterday morning

w/e

woke up at around 12pm

8 hours of sleep not bad

got up and did absolutely nothing

till 4 when i started getting sick T_T

i hope you people are as tired of sydney weather as i am

first training session of the year

today:

hapkido

weapons

however as i was sick

T_T

i couldn't do hapkido

but opted to try for weapons

its a new year

new weapon

of course my instructor handn't had an official weapon chosen so we did cali sticks

for those who don't know its a phillipino style comprised of too short sticks about 40-50 cm in length and u bash each other with it

now hears the good bit

this is my first time doing cali's

and there were only 3 in the class today

so the other two were black belts in hapkido

and its maditory for black belts in hapkido to know cali forms and combat

and jamie (my instructor) decided that being the nice person he is he'd end the class with some cali combat

(picture a long slightly flexible piece of metal wrapped by a thin layer of foam

and those are the combat sticks

...headgear

stick each person

in a duel style so one on one

i did ok

but still got my ass handed to me

by a friend named Sam (really tall, long arms, white guy)

and he keeps getting me in the legs and now i'm dead T_T

sam if your reading this your a bitch =P

i had another thought

if i could fly

man life would be so much easier =P

wouldnt need to take a car anywhere

or wait for public transport

but it'll have to be like ubber fast so that i cant be seen

or i'd have to be secretive about it

cause if i get seen

it's over

people will be on my ass

about helping the weak and

stopping crime and all that shit

i mean thats why we have fucking

police

i don't have any crime fighting experience

nor would i HAVE to do anything u people say

idiots

who do they think they are

fucking future hypothetical people

=P

and you know it's true

it's what they'd do

and if you flew

they'd do it to you too

...

yh i just read that back

=P

so if i could fly

invisibility would be nice as well

so i pondered this came home did chores and went to sleep

then woke up and wrote this

and now i can't sleep

my legs hurt so much it hurts to sit

or stand

i'm kneeling right now

T_T

thats all i can muster for now

a day in the life of me, whoever i am...

imma go get a drink

While the stalk is on vaacation - the fucking Gremlins will play

so...

i have a sister

an older sister

and

to get it out of the way

shes a complete and utter bitch just a total bitch like u wont believe

...but only to me (as expected from a sibling)

but its rediculous

when shes awake (which is usually when im sleeping)

she wont shut the fuck up

and when im awake (which is when shes usually asleep)

she does fucking nuthing around the house

T_T cause shes asleep

and when we are awake and in the same house

shes down my throat about something rediculous

and i have no idea what to do except empty a bottle of ambience into her fucking tea

and don't think this guys crazy cause i aint

she throws knives at me for god's sake

on a much lighter note

i'll be starting back up at KMA tomorrow

for those who don't know its Korean Martial Arts

and its where i do hapkido teakwondo and weapons

tomorrow is weapons and hapkido

its gonna be painful XD

but i miss it

i'm so tired of people and their one tree fucking hill issues

which ar ethe 'boy girl'

issues

and how noone seems to be able to handle anything without someone holding there hand and mothering them

i mean sure everyone needs help from friends

but theres a limit

you cant possibly need a fucking nanny for everything

god

and i dont mean that individually

i mean it in general

for my generation

so if u think im talking about u chances are i am but unintentionally =P

thats all i can really say today i havnt done much today

bye

if some of these issues relate to you don't hesitate to comment

So... do you like... cheese?

I'm new to this

i don't know where to start

and even if i did i wouldn't know what to do with such knowledge...

so i'll start with this:

i'm sick and tired of the way people look at me when i'm trying to have

an interesting conversation with my friends and the words 'terrorist' or 'disease' or 'mass hysteria' come up, like u white people don't know i'm talking to you ><

and these looks either mean i'm part of the terrorist groups, like u'd even know what they are, or part of the mainstream media. Quite frankly i'm not too sure which would be worse.

so... white people... stop it... and i don't like over generalizing but you don't see my Asian adult counterparts sitting down and having conversations like 'did you see what the terrorists did to those people in those places' 'yeah i noe me and Ted are seriously reconsidering goin on that cruise next week!' 'well you should, i can't even catch the train anymore without being jumpy' 'THANK GOD for the channel ten,seven and nine (australian channels) news for keeping us so damn informed on the important issues' ' yes too right, this is great tea btw milley' 'i know i made it using an infusal of lemon and jasmine that i got off the nice little asian man in the markets that i try to avoid' 'oh yh can't go there often you'll get robbed or worse or something!' 'i know how you feel! i got all paranoid just bein'... well your get the point

and you might be thinking 'well your just over exacerbating the situation'

well i'm not

people do say these things

and with mah fluent understandedness... of asian languages

i have been down to cabbramatta so many times and all i hear is

'did u see my new 27 inch flatscreen LCD tv? like its so good and its got like so many things that are good about it like your wont belive how good it is and it's features...'etc

so then you go and ask them 'so whats your new tv's contrast ratio?'

'ugh its very very low so its really good!'

but yh what was i saying?

oh yh, get over it

stop believing what the men behind the tv and the desk and the logos, are saying

cause chances are...

keeping you WELL informed is the least of their worries

hows that for a first blog?

but anywho

changing vectors for a second

i was thinking

that if i had a time machine

i could probably travel back in time fuck up the world somehow and then travel further back and stop me from fucking up the world! yes i have it all worked out

it'll be complete chaos for about a year

then the chaos will just cease to exist

what to do?

has to be something to fuck the WHOLE world up

i might go back and stop the creation of mcdonalds!

nah might be too harsh =P

but i'd definitely wanna meet this jesus fellow everyones raving on about

and maybe travel back to about 10 months or so before he was born and spy on his mother for about a month and see what she gets up to

nothing suss i'm sure

i'll be sure to travel into the future to get like a 1000tetrabyte hdd camera to film everywhere i go

incase your wondering i do ponder these things often

surely my 'creativety' could be put to better use but i dont mind so noone else should =P

so if your think i'm weird or somthing then tell me

i'd love to hear what your think

and arguing is sort of my forte so have at it ;)