its meant to be summer
or atleast
just
but
even though it is summer
the days get colder
and moreso do the nights and wet
very wet
i've grown into the habit of going out at night with my guitar
and meeting out with the same two guys
at parks
mostly the one near my house
and we'd sit around
and play
and more often then not
there isnt a cloud in the sky
The Sky at night
-A window into the vastnest that is space
where all the stars and dark form a dotted cover
one that leaves me in absolute amazement
everytime i look up
-A reminder that we are but the smallest most
insignificant piece of nothing compared to the universe
dont forget it ...
the first night that we went out there
i saw 4 shooting stars
it was the first time ever
that i can remember anyway
and it absolutely amazed me
the sky amazes me
and never ceases
to do so
today i went with just one of them
to the park on Wilson road
across the road from the mosque
it was nice
it was raining but
so we took shelter under the
play house thingy
no guitars today
we just talked
reminisced about older better days
talked about how complicated things have gotten
and just really had a proper talk about life
and what aspects we have
it was nice
and heavy at the same time
Why does life have to be like this?
is it...
because of god?
fuck no what does that lazy fuck have to do with it?
because of society?
well yes because society has set these paradigms that make it almost impossible to handle being alive anymore
because of my parents?
well they are annoying but they just want what they think is best (key words: what they think)
its
because of me
and i hate to do this
but its because of my melancholy
^ thats right im talking about Hamlet
but different its modern
its me
seeing opportunities
knowing that things need to be done
but they arent getting done
i'm not lazy
its just
that when it comes to these things
i get confused
i think too far ahead
and i think too much
and then i fail
and i loose my chance
completely
and it hurts
evey single day
it hurts
more and more
and theres nothing i can do
not yet
just have to live with it for now
its not just me
alot of people feel this way
and all i can to you is
that this is life
you cant change that
even if its shit
to some unexplainable extent
you cant change the fact that this is how life is
so people turn to drastic measures
if your thinking about it
don't
don't even
go there
life sucks fair enough
and i know its chliche
but ending it early
is not the answer
and i'll tell you why
its not because of how it'll effect those around
no fuck that who are they to get in your way?
its not because 'life is precious' fucking hell thats a load of shit
thousands of people die every day
MILLIONS of living things die every second
life is not fucking precious
and if it is WHO TO?
no
you dont want to kill yourself
because
it wont help
it wont help you
life is shit
and you cant change that
killing yourself wont change the fact that life is shit
you will be helping noone
especially not yourself
and besides
there is always time
there are always options
to find the light within the drab dark
i find that at night
things are clearer to see
in my head
i walk around during the day
and see colours
lots of colours
but colours get in the way
its a distraction
at night
i can see true form
what things really are
what is ugly
and what is not
and in my head
i can see this
and determine between the two
it helps
navigate the whirlpool ocean of my life
theres no much i need to do now that the hsc is over
so much
1-exercise
2-lose weight (as a result of exercise)
3-get a job
4-get better at guitar
5-get better at singing
6-move out
7-lose my job
8-move back in
9-return my shit to school
10-Get The Girl
and on that note
i've gtg
bye for now
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